Sunni Dawson

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Dashing Doha… My 3 fav haunts!

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A very new world greeted me as I stepping out into the flat, the brightness, the dust and the barrage of 48 degree heat, 90% humidity. I was whisked away in an air-conditioned vehicle and from the comfort of my plush rear seat I observed the massive monster cars overtaking at great speed past a huge cavern of machinery and work that stretched for miles.

‘It’s for the World Cup. A train link to the airport. None of the locals say they will use it, they prefer to use their air-conditioned cars.’

One of my favourite travel posts I have written, ‘There and Back Again’ highlights the very contrasting lives I lived in Kathmandu, Nepal and Doha, QATAR. The countries and living standards couldn’t be more different. This post gives a little more insight into life in QATAR and the short video below shows you some of the absolute gems of Doha.

 
 
 
Arriving in the midst of Ramadan, the most important festival in the Islamic calendar, I was informed of the rules:
 
‘You are not allowed to drink or eat anything in public until sunset.’
 
‘What if I need to drink some water?’

 

‘Go into a toilet and don’t let anyone see you. Of course at home you can do what you like… It is taken very seriously here. And no alcohol is allowed to be served in bars or bought in shops until after Eid. At any time of year you need a license to buy alcohol and most people set this up through their work.’

 
As it was too hot to go outdoors after 7am, this did not disturb my passion for eating my way through every day. It was lovely to venture outside at dusk and watch people coming from their dusk prayers and feasting the night away.
 
Some of the Doha ex-pats (I’m at the back there!)

The ex-pat community is alive and pumping in Doha, even in the midst of Ramadan. It is Doha’s quietest month and many go away for holidays, I suspect essentially to escape the furnace that they call ‘summer’ here. The close nit ex-pat community is what makes Doha a very livable place for youngish folks coming to earn, well, a lot of cash and enjoy a life at the same time. And it is quite a life: a myriad of social engagements happen 3 or 4 times a week (and those are just the arranged social group ones).

These meetups revolve around dinner in the high end and thankfully air-conditioned
malls. And then others at drinking establishments (after Ramadan of course) and day trips out of town past equally flat landscapes to sparse gritty beaches lapped up by salt toasted waters.

 

The beautiful sights in Doha are all man made spectacles of alluring electric bliss. Apart from the flashy and abundant odes to consumerism found in the endless malls, there are

some beautiful outdoor and indoor activities to enjoy. I show you these in this video! (It’s worth watching just to see the pretty buildings, scenery and lights! :)).

 

 
 
So without further ado, here are my top 3 tips for Doha! Enjoy!

Mandalay, Men in Skirts & Face Paint…

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Venturing into this Burma, Myanmar, unlike any other, meshes of culture, continuous movement and chaotic states, and foods that made my eye sockets pop, (read my first blog post about Yangon), completely captivated me. But there are two other very visual aspects about Myanmar that I haven’t yet dwelt upon that lit up my being every time I gazed upon them.

 

Men in Skirts.

Hallelujah! Men in skirts rock. Seriously, they look great. What fascinated me was that these gentlemen could do anything in these long skirts, literally anything! Fixing the plumbing, chopping down trees, cooking, running and doing business. I particularly loved seeing the business men in Yangon wear a perfectly pressed collared shirt, clutch a briefcase and stride out across a road in a long skirt. Brilliant.

 These skirts have a name: Longyi. They are super easy to do up too – a quick twist and you’re on! Single pieces of material have a lot going for them! I loved the ingenuity of some men I observed. They managed to put a wallet or a pouch of betel leaf in the small knot at the top of their skirts. Ingenious! Comfortable, loose skirts, that with a little handy twist can hold your essentials. Thoroughly awesome.

 

 

Face paint.

Watching women holding hands along a busy road chatting furiously with broad faces and big yellow circles covering both their cheeks, was just delightful for me. Women in the cities, and both women and men in the rest of the country apply a yellowish paste to their faces and sometimes their arms in the morning and at night. Locals say that this paste, made from grinding water and the wood and bark from the Murraya and Wood Apple trees, is a natural sunscreen, mosquito repellent and body moisturiser. It also cools you during hot weather.

 

Some ladies applied it for me one day at some market stalls (after swindling me out of a $10 for some beads). The paste did indeed feel cool against my skin and smelt earthy and sweet… some say it has a sandalwood scent, which is almost accurate. It’s called Thanaka. I rarely saw a Burmese women wearing make up used in much of the world, but everyone wore Thanaka.

 
To Mandalay…
 
Mandalay was my last stop in Myanmar. Although the city itself lacked something for me, mostly due to the fact that tourists can’t stroll around the old palace gardens (there is only one entrance that tourists can enter not close to the hotels and only to see a replica of an old palace which is really not worth seeing), and the city is not easy to walk around, but it is worth spending a couple of nights to see to some amazing sunset sights and a few temples along the way. I talk about the highlights in this VLOG from the sunset locations… enjoy!

 

Mandalay, Men in Skirts & Face Paint…

Bold Bagan: My 3 tips for Bagan, Burma!

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‘You have three choices to your hotel: horse and cart, taxi or bike taxi.’ Bleary eyed, I scanned the sea of short dark men surrounding the door of the bus. I tried to summon up some 5am gumption.

 
‘I want the cheapest.’
 
‘Bike taxi.’
 
A black toothed, smiling man presented himself. His entire body width measured about the size of one of my forearms, all angles and sinewy muscles forced over small bones. He tried to grab one of my bags. 
 
‘No, I’m okay.’ This guy didn’t seem like he could lift my small front pack let alone the 22 kilo monster backpack.
 
He led me over to his bike. 
 
‘Oh no, that won’t fit me or my luggage!’
 
‘Yes, yes, ok, ok.’ He started placing my massive backpack on the back half of the ragged material covered seat connected to a rusty red two wheeled push bike. 
 
‘No, no, I find taxi.’ I did not want this tiny man try and peddle me (and lets face it, I am not going to win any waif contests anytime soon), my 22 kilo backpack or my 12 kilo front pack. It would not be fair. And the truth is, I was not sure he could do it.
 
As I walked around asking taxi drivers and other tourists if I could share a cab ride into town, he became my shadow, all the while smiling a knowing smile.
 
‘Okay, no-one to share, you come me.’
 
‘Okay.’
 
The next 30 minute journey was both peaceful and impressive. This man, whose face told me he was in his 70s, but later realising that he was probably in his late 40s, (people age much quicker here), managed to steadily pump those peddles with all of my weight and weights past a couple of horse drawn carts to my Guest House. 
 
I smiled all the way. After the chaotic and constant mess of Yangon, the dusty quiet of country allowed my shoulders to drop. Yes, I will stay here for 6 days. I need this. 
 
Restaurant Street, Bagan.

Bagan did not disappoint, in any way. Beside a few extra cars surrounding the main streets around 5 to 6pm, it was a calm, hot paradise. I stayed in Nyaung-U, an older part of town, about a 15 minute walk to the ‘restaurant street.’

‘Does it have a name for me to look out for?’

‘No, no name, it’s just called restaurant street because it’s got a lot of restaurants in it.’

 

In this VLOG I discuss my favourite, and not so obvious things to do in Bagan. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hdphPlISBdc?feature=player_embedded

 

F’ Yes!

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In my previous post I discussed understanding your fears to get to why you’ve made the decisions you’ve made and following this potentially choosing something different to what you’ve been boxed into or repeating. But sometimes there are decisions to be made that don’t have anything ‘big’ behind them, or you are not sure what is what. This post offers a very different technique. 
 
At times I’ve experienced indecision.
 


Often I see two peachy paths. Both with different outcomes, but both with similar prospects of greatness. A simple example, but one I find challenging, is: which restaurant to eat at? I love food, and when presented with choice (I’m glad I’m a veg because given the choice, I usually want to try ALL the dishes on a menu! :)), I am usually excited to eat at many. And I’m no help when my friends ask me to decide. At all.
 
Another example is choosing between job opportunities. I see the varying potentials for each. One will enable me to focus my skills on a particular area, the other on another. Both have valuable developmental prospects. Both have relatively similar pays and good working environments.
 
Which do I choose?
 
I have been known to flip coins. A lot. Even for major decisions. Heads for me was always ‘action forward’ (like in going out = heads or staying home = tails). Or I would pick one option as heads, and the other as tails. This in itself would give me clues as to which decision I really preferred. I always favoured ‘heads’, even though many in ‘straylia would beg to differ. ‘Tails never fails!’ is a continual refrain I hear. The problem is, the more you flip, the more ambivilent the answer becomes. 

 

Sometimes I get others involved in my decision making. I turn it into a group activity. I remember staying in a hostel in Rio de Janerio a few years ago. A group of people were going out and were trying to convince me to come. I had been out the night before and I was tired, but I really liked my new friends, so I knew it would be fun, but my body was telling me ‘sleep’. But I knew I could pep up and party if I choose to.
 
So in a group of wanderers from around the world: four french, a couple of germans, a dutchman, and an american, I said ok: ‘I’m going to do a coin toss.’ They formed a circle around me, with curious eyes and amused smiles.
 
I threw the coin high into the air. ‘Heads is for staying home and tails is for going out.’
 
‘Tails. Ok, it’s out of three.’
 
‘Heads.’
 
‘The suspense is killing me!’ 
 
I flip a third time.
 
‘Ahhh, Heads it is. I have to stay in. What a shame!’
 
‘Yes, but you got tails first, so that means you should come!’
 
‘But it’s out of three.’
 
Obviously, I was finding it hard to say what my body was really feeling, but I truly did see two equally good options. Bed or party. Bed or party. Bed.
 
I gave up coin tossing a couple of years ago (well, mostly, except for the occasional restaurant decision making process :)).
 
I used to make lists for bigger decisions in my life. Pros versus cons in any given scenario. This really was very helpful. I would recommend this for anyone.
 
 
But now I use a different process. I use the ‘F’ yeah’ technique (I’ve heard this technique from a few writers and speakers, applied it in my own life, and now I want to share it with you). 
F’Yeah!
I only say ‘yes’ to things that I feel are a ‘OMG, yes, I really want to do that’ or a simple ‘Fuck yes’ (whichever is your preference). I feel into my body and see what its saying.
 
If I’m just ambivilant, or not sure, I don’t do it.
 
If I feel good about the decision, my belly is not doing little flips (my belly has always been good at feeling things, but I have not listened to it enough in the past. I have been learning to listen to it more by feeling into it, sometimes even asking it the question to be decided on!), and it feels like fun, I say ‘Fuck yes!’
 
If I need more information to make a decision, I go get the information (this often involves assessing the practical measures), before feeling into the ‘Fuck yes!’ moment. Often, I get an initial ‘OMG yes!’ pull and the further information confirms it. Sometimes, I am unsure and after understanding the practicalities, it becomes a firm ‘F’ yes!’ or ‘Hell No’. 
 
Again, if I am unsure, it’s a ‘No’.
 
An example of a ‘Absolutely, with sprinkles on top- Yes!’ I was looking to share a home with some people in Melbourne. A friend recommended me to some of her friends who had a home in the area I wanted to live. Seeing the home and space and meeting one half of the couple I was a definite ‘F’ yes!’. I had not even found out about the cost of the room or met the other half. When I did meet the other half and found out the cost, it was an even more ‘I am moving in tomorrow feeling – Yes!’.
 
Unsure moments…

An example of an ‘unsure’. I was approached to do some pet and house sitting by a couple. They needed someone urgently. I said I was available and I would like to meet them that night after work. I was feeling like it could be an uncertain yes, and I needed more information. As soon as I got to the home, it was dark and smelly. I knew I couldn’t stay there. So, despite the lovely cats, it turned into a ‘No way ho-say!’.

 
When I have gone against the internal ‘NNNnnnoooo.’
 
I was recommended to do some fill in work for an organisation. My friend had spoken highly about the particular CEO, so I was looking forward to meeting her. When I met her, I felt an immediate ‘Hell No!’. It’s hard to describe the exact feeling, but she was not like the CEOs of other non-profits I had worked with before. She appeared very stressed (which is normal for a CEO of a non-profit), but was also all over the place and had an abrupt cold manner. I brushed it aside because I trusted my friend (she had never worked for this person, but knew her personally). I commenced working directly for this CEO. My ‘Hell No!’ got worse everyday. I quickly understood the issues causing the previous incumbent to leave. I soon left the position, after realising that there was nothing I could do to change or make the situation better. 
 
 
F’ Yes is a feeling

‘F’ Yes’ is a feeling. An inner knowing. Sometimes its a lightening bolt, other times after considering all the information it becomes a ‘Oh Yes!’. Anything else is a ‘No’.

 
Sometimes the ‘Hell No!’ comes from a fear. To discern whether something is a real fear (an actual ‘No’) or a repeated fear pattern which stops the real ‘F’ Yes!’ from coming out, read my previous blog post on ‘worst case scenario’ which will give you tips on understanding fears in decision making processes. 
 
Here’s to all your ‘F’ Yes’s!!!’

How do I make decisions? It starts with this…

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A question I was introduced to in my 20s was: what is the worst case scenario? 

 
In any given situation, I would ask, what is the worst outcome that could happen? Now this may seem a little morbid, but I found this incredibly helpful in understanding my own or other people’s fears. Once understood, better decisions could be made. If I could imagine myself being able to live with the worst outcome imaginable, then making a decision that may seem risky, possible.
 
As a lawyer I would advise clients of the range of potential outcomes that could be possible in any given legal scenario. This would include the best possible outcome, compromised outcomes (based on changes in stories, independent reports, the negotiation abilities of either party), what the judge ate for breakfast and the worst possible outcome.
 
The worst case scenario is an imperative consideration. Particularly when it comes to legal matters. More often than not, the worst case scenario, more often than not, happens. Especially when it comes to family law. People are emotionally volatile, the courts are under-resourced to deal with the cases and the judges are tired (understandably listening to allegation after allegation of all manner of things, I imagine it gets weary on the soul of a judge), and stories change. A lot.
 
‘So what do you think I should do?’ Would be a common client question.
 
‘Well, I think you need to consider all the options and potential outcomes I’ve outlined, there could be more that I haven’t envisaged, then come back and we can discuss it further.’
 
‘But what do you think I should do?’
 
‘Well, I think its important for you to consider the emotional and time impacts of taking this matter to court. Can you survive the stress? Can you get the time off work? What will be the impacts of this on other people/children in your family?

 

You need to consider the worst case scenario here. If the worst happened, you lost the case and your children were to live with your ex-partner, how would you deal with that? What would you do? What resources and support would you or your children need? What would your children need from you?’
 
I would ask them to consider all the possibilities, so that they would have some sort of preparation for any outcome. 
 
I found that people always wanted to rush to the quickest answer. The short and easy conclusion.  
 
They wanted a result. Now. They didn’t want to sift through the various possibilities and potential solutions. They just wanted an immediate answer to their heart wrenching situation.
 
 
But human relationships rarely offer quick fixes. Especially when lives become so entangled. Untangling them is a very difficult task, particularly when there are other humans to consider.
 
And after a while patterns would emerge: the people that would get so entrenched with their legal case that they stopped living their real lives; those that would make up lies and untruths, which often ended with dramatic disclosures; and those that eventually emotionally gave up, succumbing to the stress and heartache. 
 
I encouraged them to get emotional support and assistance. I got them to think about and sift through the options, considering each potential worst case scenario, whether they could live with that and whether their fears were real, perceived or imaginary. 

 

 
I started to apply this technique into my own life.
 
I did this before I went travelling for the first time. I never thought I needed to travel. I always thought that people who travelled were ‘running away’ from something in their lives. I never felt the need to run away or to find myself. I could do that from wherever I was :). And I always made the excuse of finances, partners and work. They were good excuses. I believed them!
 
When I first thought about the worst case scenarios for travelling by myself this is what I came up with:
 
  1. I will die.
  2. I will be raped.
  3. I will be robbed.
  4. A person will plant drugs in my bag and I will die by firing squad.
  5. A combination of the above.
 
It is true that the above happens. And that this is a possibility. Should this stop me? What is this fear about and where does it come from?
 
Well I saw the movies about people living out their lives out in squalor in a Thai prison, for drug charges that they would serve at most a few years in Australia. I am being honest here, I really thought that a dodgy customs officer would plant drugs in my backpack. 
 
And then I went through the list again. Number 1: I could die. True. I could die with or without travelling. I could get hit by a bus outside my home. Numbers 2 and 3: that happens everywhere. Yes, Australia is fairly safe compared to some other countries, but it happens everywhere. I should know, I am a lawyer!
 
Number 4: well it is possible, but not probable. What could I do to mitigate the possibility? I could buy locks for my bag. Wrap my bag in plastic. Not accept love bowls of cocaine from men I just met.
 
 
Then I asked myself what some of my other fears / worst case scenarios were. I came up with the following:
 
6. It’s costly. I won’t be able to save for some stuff I want. Fear: I’ll never get what I want!
7. My partner doesn’t want to go. Fear: My partner will leave me!
8. I don’t trust anyone to look after my cases at work whilst I’m away. Fear: My clients won’t be looked after properly and their cases will fail because I’m not there.
 
 
Number 6: I can save a little bit for travel and a little bit for the other things I want simultaneously. Number 7: It is unlikely we will break up. A few weeks of travel and separation does not mean the end. Other couples do it all the time. 
Number 8: I know I care more than most, but there are other competent lawyers out there, it is not the end of the world.
 
Then I went even deeper.

 
What if I used up all my savings, lost my partner and all my clients cases failed? What would be the worst thing about that for me?
 
Answer: I would not be a success. I would die alone, penniless and miserable.
 
This sounded familiar to me. I realised these fears were similar to the fears of my family. I asked myself whether these fears were useful to me now. How are they helping me?
 
Answer: They are helping me by keeping me in my perceived ‘safe zone’. I could stay in this ‘safe zone’ forever, or I could step out and see what else is outside of this ‘zone’. Maybe ugly monsters? Maybe some amazing and beautiful things? Only one way to find out!
 
I also realised that I had a lot of ideas about myself invested in my work, partner and making a living.
 
Knowing what these fears were, made me realise how much I held onto ‘old’ stuff and stuff that was not perhaps so helpful for me in living a life that I truly want to live. Looking back at me now from my current perspective, I would be jumping up and down at me, saying ‘Step outside this zone! Now!! More wonderful things than you could have EVER have imagined are out there. Do it!’

Of course, that would be hard for my late 20s self to see. It’s clear now, not so clear then. But it was the beginning. The beginning of spending time to question me, why I did what I did and find out what was truly behind my fears and decide whether it was useful for me to continue on the same path or choose a different one.





It all started with questioning the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario questioning helps you get to your core fears. When you understand these fears, you can choose whether they are helpful for your life now and into the future.
 

 

Good luck with it. Let me know how you go!

What do you mean you have no plans?

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I was recently interviewed for an article by a very talented writer, Ruby Hamad, on my current life journey and the choices I’ve made in my 30s that are very different from most of my friends, well actually, all of them.

 
I am in my mid-ish 30s (which I’ve had trouble announcing that to the world for some reason since I turned 35). I can get away with telling people I’m younger. With my exuberant spirit people easily accept me to be 6 or 7 years younger than my real age (and depending on where I am I can get up to 10 years younger – gotta love that!). I’ve also dappled in refusing to tell people my age. Not because I’m afraid of my age, but because much of society expects that you should be doing certain things by certain times. I have watched people in conversations change towards me depending on the age I determine to tell them. I’ve noticed a strong desire in others to compare. Match up.

 



In your early 20s you explore the world. Travel. Make bad decisions. Do crazy things. Study. Work. Get crazy drunk. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Be invincible. 


By your late 20s you really should be progressing in your career. Thinking about promotions, working you way up that invisible and ever changing ladder of success. You may travel to some exotic locations for that all elusive 2 week vacation. Take selfies of sipping Mai Tai’s on an over tanned beach.

 
By your 30s you should be settling down. Breeding. Its time. Before its too late. Get a house. Create something you can pass on. Your travels become smaller, limited to local beach locations or group family holidays where discussions revolve around current childhood allergies, swimming pools and Miss 6 year old’s sporting prowess.
 
By your 40s you should be establishing and bedding down everything you’ve worked towards since your 20s, I think, (caveat here: I haven’t really thought about this decade much since I haven’t reached it). I presume a pressure to ‘get it all settled’, make massive advancements in work, home and your life.

Annapurna Ranges, Nepal

I could say I’ve done all this in reverse. But that’s not accurate in a few ways. Firstly, I don’t have children. I have never had a great desire to have children. I like children, I could even say I love them. They are fun, open, curious little creatures, but they are also exhausting! I’ve always known that if I did decide to have children I would not be able to do all the other things I want to achieve in my life. I give 110% to everything I do and if I was rearing children I know that would be my entire focus. 

 
Monkey Temple, Kathmandu, Nepal


Secondly, I don’t do crazy things, by which I mean get insanely drunk every night, cuddle a bucket as my best friend, and decide to move locations every 2 days because having as many places and countries as you can ticked off the list is what its all about.

 
I did have career plans when I was in my 20s, and I worked some ways to fulfilling that. I achieved success in my working life. And I loved it. I still love working. I love contributing to the world through the work I do.
 
But these days its a bit different. I no longer have a 10 year plan. Or a 5 year plan. The truth be told, I don’t have any plans. And that is for everything. No work goals, life, family or social goals. I don’t have a 7 step plan for success for anything.
 
And I like it. Its different. Previously I was a highly controlled, fanatical planner and lawyer. I had set ideas about what I needed to achieve and by when. Anyone who perused my work files would comment on how ‘neat and organised’ they were, what well structured arguments and approaches I had.
 
Well, not anymore! (insert: delightfully evil laugh here).
 
I don’t even know where I’m going to be living or what I’m going to be doing in a few months time! Oh the liberation! The previous me would be filled with dread, talking about it with everyone she knows, thinking about it endlessly and wondering what might befall her next.
 
The current me is excited about what might happen in a few months, having know idea, I am content with the glorious adventure of it all. When people ask me, ‘So what are you going to do after France?’
 
I smile a big, radiant smile and say ‘I don’t know!’. 
 
There is genuine delight in this. I like the blind folded surprise moment of what’s next?
 
Ancient temple in Bagan, Myanmar


When I left Australia over 12 months ago I had a general intention of living in Thailand for 3 months to write a book. That extended to 6 months and included the luscious explorations of two Malaysian cities for the dreaded Thai ‘visa run’. I always wanted to explore Myanmar and after meeting some wonderful Burmese people in Thailand, I thought I should go. So I travelled there for 2 weeks. 

Dhanyabad Nepal!

 



Then I decided to go to Nepal. Despite the earthquakes and all tourists leaving like fleas in a dog bath, I thought I could volunteer part time and write part time. But volunteering entirely captivated me for many many months. 5 months flew by. I loved contributing and using my vast variety of work and life skills to the organisations and people I assisted.


Me and my little Griffon companion!







But the inner calling to write poked me once again. I realised I could not do this in Nepal. I was offered an amazing 3 month opportunity to pet and house sit in southern France, wine country. And here I am. Looking after a beautiful 250 year stone house, 1 dog, 3 cats and 9 chickens. 



Me with one of my cat companions!

At the start of this year, I was speaking with my friends on my beach, my island, ‘I love it here, but its too hot. And I get into too many great conversations. What I want is a warm cottage in the snow for 3 months with no-one around so I can focus on my writing, with great wifi and a cat.’




Sunset reflections!

 


In less than 9 months, here I am, with a few more creatures and countries in between, in a more beautiful spot than I initially imagined.


So I know in a few months something else will show up, or it won’t. But that is the fun of it. I will continue to follow what interests me, and enjoy whatever comes. It surely will awe and absorb me. It always does.

My beautiful view over vineyard!

I will be writing more in the coming weeks about more of my journeys and share some of the tools that have helped me make bold decisions in my life!