I’ve spent the past two weeks very very bruised and in substantial pain.
The story begins with a slender, black haired woman. She interrupted my typing reverie at a local cafe. We talked for over two hours. Fascinating background with loads of great travel stories. Towards the end of the conversation she told me about an ancient Chinese healing technique she has been using.
‘Maybe it will work on your varicose vein?’ She pointed at my leg. ‘I tried it on a friend’s vein last week and it went away!’
‘Well I’ve had this baby for at least 15 years now. It doesn’t hurt. It just looks ugly.’
‘I have some time tomorrow, maybe I can come over and we can try?’
‘Sure.’
This system is based on the meridian systems that the Chinese believe run up and down the body. Basically it is about releasing the blockages in these meridian lines. Those familiar with Acupuncture or eastern philosophy will be generally familiar with this concept.
It is different from Acupuncture in that instead of tiny needles, it involves hard slapping. Yes, you read that right.
I was slapped. Hard. And repeatedly.
I have only just commenced reading the ’50 Shades of Grey’ series in order to understand all the fuss and the criticism about this film and books. The way I was slapped and the subsequent bruising doesn’t seem as pleasurable as is described in the pages in this book.
We went to my bungalow because she was worried that the sound of her slapping in the restaurant might cause people to look at us. It turns out the sound of the slapping was the least of concerns.
She slapped me hard on my protruding vein. With great intensity. I found out for the first time in one and a half decades that varicose veins can be painful. Well, at least when being whacked senseless.
I winced and smiled, pretending it was okay.
She. Was. Hard. She repeated her assault in second intervals.
‘Are you okay? I’ll do it softer.’
Lets be clear: the technique is slapping. Slapping hard.
‘Yes, I’m ok, its ok.’ I thought to myself its only for a short while – I can grin and bear it. Its all for the greater outcome isn’t it?
‘Are you sure you’re ok?’
‘Yes, its ok.’
‘There should be bruising coming up by now. Why isn’t there any bruising?’
‘I’m not sure.’ It sure feels like there should be bruising!
She was brutal. She varied it up the attack between hard and slightly less hard when I started wincing. At some point I started hitting my opposite knee so I wouldn’t feel the pain in the leg she was attacking as much.
‘Ok, I’ll try the inside of your arm for a while.’reat.’
She felt like a boat paddle with her mighty force whacking the water. Faster and faster, get it out of there! This time I bruised. She seemed pleased.
‘If you keep slapping there for half an hour, it will go away.’
Let me get this rationale clear. You slap a sensitive area for 10 minutes. Bruises and blood vessels appear. The recommended action is to keep slapping, as hard as you can, until it goes away. HHhhhmmmm.
So I did.
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| Day 3 |
This is the result over the next week. I slapped it for an hour. Some changes in the skin happened, but I ended up having such an internal bruise I couldn’t use my arm for days.
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| Day 1 |
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| Day 2 |
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| Day 4 |
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| Day 7 |
She went back to torturing my leg. It was like she was trying to slap the vein into behaving. Like it needed to be punished for what its done. Punished like a child never ceasing to pull her hand out of the cookie jar. The neighbour’s cookie jar.
It went on for an hour. At least.
I couldn’t walk afterwards. I couldn’t sleep. When I desperately needed to use the toilet, I hopped. Do you know how dangerous it is for an uncoordinated person to hop in a slippery wet Thai bathroom?
I couldn’t walk the next day. Luckily the wonderful Thai family I live with lugged freshly prepared thai feasts up the hill to my bungalow. And I had this view. (not much to complain about really). 🙂For 42 hours I was horizontal. Literally.
After the 43rd hour I was able to walk around my cabin with a hobble.
I did some minor stretching involving sticking my legs up the wall and hammock laying. The hammock laying helped a lot. Mainly because my legs were in the air.I started to walk down to the restaurant and back on the third day. The fourth day I walked down to the 7/11 and back. The worst was just standing in the one spot. If I sat down I had to put my leg up.
It took me seven days to do my usual 30 minute or so walk. The subsequent days I walked, continued stretching. The pain really didn’t stop for almost two weeks. And, I know you’ll be surprised by this, the varicose vein is still protruding strongly from my leg.
Lessons learnt:
- Slapping a very sensitive area in the body very hard for one hour, hurts.
- If you continue to slap a sensitive area and bruises and blood vessels appear, stop.
- Test something first before jumping in.
Any other lessons you think I should have learnt from this, please let me know!
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