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I’ve been requested to do an update on the bathroom situation here in Thailand.
Remember this blog post?
Yes, that’s me with the dreaded hose.
My new Aussie friends affectionately call it the ‘Bum Gun’. An apt name I think. Squeezing the hose shoots a blast a water making one stand to attention. Great, alert, attention.
But, if the truth be known, I’ve grown to like it. A lot.
No, not in that way.
But in the refreshing, I’m here, I’m alive kinda way! Not in the use half a toilet roll type way to make sure I’ve dabbed or scraped every last inch of… AND subsequently causing a dry sandpaper against sensitive skin irritation. But in the soft, super clean, invigorating kinda way.
Its a breath of fresh air! Or a blast of water. Or both.
Me, sans toilet paper??? Oui.
It makes sense in tropical climates. I mean the dribbles do dry relatively quickly. Including ones’ pants (that lovingly absorb the drips). And after all, it is only water. Its not stuff that can actually smell after a few hours. 🙂
My aim
And you will be pleased to know, my aim is much much better. Its now only on very rare occasions that I get my neck sprayed with shots of water.
This is a massive improvement.
However, in saying this, just yesterday, I was squatting over a toilet, grabbed for the hose, stumbling slightly, and aimed in the general direction… Two seconds later the toilet cistern, walls and my back were covered in water. This happened twice yesterday. Two separate toilets. Two different hoses.
I gingerly hung out near a fan to help my clothes dry out.
However, in saying this, just yesterday, I was squatting over a toilet, grabbed for the hose, stumbling slightly, and aimed in the general direction… Two seconds later the toilet cistern, walls and my back were covered in water. This happened twice yesterday. Two separate toilets. Two different hoses.
I gingerly hung out near a fan to help my clothes dry out.
The general wetness
And I’ve kinda got used to the general wetness. Those slippery, smudgy floors that continue to grow in stages of wetness, like the ebb and flow of a 2 year old’s bath.
And I’m ignoring more and more the general mouldy growth emanating under the basin tap, rearing its green eyes at the base of the toilet bowl and its furry ears in the bottom corners of these wet rooms. We’re slowly becoming friends. Mr Green and I.
But still…
Although Mr Green and I are somewhat friendly, if the truth really be known, I have other friends that I whip out on occasion: Mr Anti-Wipe and Ms Gel. I love them both. A lot. They help me navigate new terrain, where Mr Green is not so friendly.
Hot tips for your own explorations!
So I thought it might be useful to give you some handy hints on navigating bathrooms in Asia, if ever you have the good fortune of coming here:
- Be prepared for wetness. A lot of it.
- Go in naked.
- Walk into the rooms very, very slowly. Think steady snail. Steady, slow snail…
- Practise shooting the Bum Gun into the toilet before using it on yourself. Test its strength. Its eagerness.
- Go in naked. It really helps. It really does.
- Definitely leave your bags outside.
- Non slippery thongs are very helpful. Or moon suction boots.
- Breathe in deeply BEFORE you enter. Then short shallow breaths throughout the process. Breathe out, a lot.
- Bring your friends. Mr Anti-Wipe and Ms Gel. And Captain Tissues (for those not yet ready to embrace Bum Gun’s full force).
- Go in naked.
Any other words of wisdom or advice gratefully received.
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